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I do and don’t mean this literally. God is the one responsible for saving my soul, but he saved it through a medium I would totally and completely understand. I want to add, I believe he does this for everyone. He uses the things he knows we have in our heart to send us messages. This has not been the first time he’s done it either. Back in college after being heartbroken from a breakup, I turned to music and fitness for solace. At first I did it for revenge, I did it to get in shape and turn his head. Despite what he may say I know it worked. But I’m grateful it turned into something for me, something I hadn’t expected and I quickly became addicted to it. I became addicted to the bass from the beats. I became addicted to what the music made my body do when I danced to it. I became addicted to the people I met because they accepted me with open arms.

A few months into this journey I bought my first techno cd ever, it was Bad Boy Bill, Bangin the box volume four. Mind you, this was over ten years ago, but it just so happened he was playing at a local club here on Friday night. So with my hubby, pumas and high stepper dancing partner in hand, we went to the show. I knew I would be surrounded by a bunch of way younger people than myself, but I didn’t care. I had to check it out and see what Bad Boy Bill had to tell me with his decks. I was far from disappointed. In fact my throat was sore from all the screaming I did.

After leaving the club dripping sweat from dancing, I went home and slept like a child. This was just the beginning of what this genre of music would  do for me later the next day and the day after. The “day after” I refer to was today, and today  I turned thirty. I woke up this morning peeking one eye open wishing someone would come clean my house for me and then the phone calls started pouring in.

The first was from my 86 year old  great grandmother singing me happy birthday and thanking god for the additional year I have been blessed with.  This is when the tears began.

Please know this, this woman has called me every year on my birthday since I can remember and done the same exact thing.  Not once has it made me cry until today. I just never thanked god for another year, I’ve never even thanked him for another day. I realized this to my dismay because my grandma was thanking god for me and suddenly I thought to myself how selfish I have been. I quickly agreed with her, thanked him myself and went about my routine.

I then headed to the gym to teach my normal 9:30 spin class.  I usually spend some time putting together a playlist for my classes, I take this part of my job as an instructor pretty seriously. I feel like it’s the music that drives people to push themselves beyond their comfortable limits. And this is the place where they start to see results.

Anyways, this morning I did not have a playlist put together, so I decided on an album I’ve listened to many times before. I  also decided on an endurance and strength training ride which is only about 70-80% of your maximum heart rate. It’s usually a bit slower, not as up and down and all around like the interval high intensity rides I usually do. These endurance rides I love because we don’t break between tracks, you just keep going, you keep riding until the end and you are just dripping with sweat. I chose to do this this morning because I wanted some time on my bike to reflect and pray. Yes, believe it or not, I pray all the time on my bike. You wouldn’t know I was by looking at me but I do. My head is the most clear here and I can focus on god.

I hadn’t even collected my thoughts yet, I hadn’t decided what I wanted to say but about twenty five minutes into the ride a song came on that all of a sudden spoke to me in a way that I totally was not prepaired for.

You see, I have been praying about something for the past few weeks, something that has really been troubling me. I have been feeling totally lost in my surroundings not knowing where to hang my hat or how to make sense of it all. Today my prayer was answered through the lyrics of this song. It was the most beautiful voice in the form of a little Asian princess singing to me while on my bike, while on my throne if you will. I just saw this image in my head, it was clear as day. I was totally and completely overwhelmed by instant gush of emotion I felt. It was if I could finally breath and this massive weight was lifted from my back. I put my head down on my towel so no one would see me and I cried so hard my stomach hurt because god gave me my answer. I knew it was him, I just knew it. I felt him in every crevice of my body holding me up on that bike just as he has held me up all this time. He gave it to me in a way he knew I would see the red flashing lights saying……Jasmine,” let your fears go, and you might find your way back home, let your fears go and you might find your not los”t. I’ve heard this song many times before but not like this. So today has been a “happy sad” day as my husband and I have been calling it. I know it sounds really silly but I feel different, I feel new and I feel changed. Most importantly I know what I need to do……it’s time to go home. And today I was given the most amazing 30th birthday present ever…….peace and discernment…..Thank you god!